A Sporadic Day of Baseball Observations... Part Three.

Observations from Game 3, Tigers (N. Robertson) v. Yankees (C. Wang):

- Joe Buck looks like a diminutive, white circumcised penis. Seriously, like a little circumcised penis. He talks like one too. I used to like him, but he’s quickly become the most annoying network number one in sports. Possibly even more arrogant than Al Michaels, which really, really says something. And just when you think it cannot get any worse, they show Tim McCarver. If Buck looks like a little penis, then McCarver definetly looks like his old, shriveled ball. So basically, what I’m saying is that Fox’s number one broadcast team is a diminutive, one test-ied penis. Seems fitting doesn’t it?

- Joe Torre has won something close to 10 million games --- give or take a couple --- and he has nine division titles, 6 A.L. pennants, and, oh yeah, four World Series, but seriously what is he doing with ARod? Is dropping him to the sixth spot after he’s hit fourth or fifth all year really going to help him overcome the perception that he isn’t clutch? Especially after he hit .358, .465. 651 in September. I mean honestly. Give it a rest already.

- Apparently the Tigers are starting Nate Robertson in game one because he’s tough against lefties. That’s good and everything, because the Yankees do have four lefties in the lineup and Posada is better from the left side, but ahh… what about the four righties? The Yanks had the third best OPS against lefties this year and that was without Sheffield all year. Good luck with those guys, Nate.

- I bet you one of those lefties kills Robertson at some point tonight.

- Damn, that was one heck of a great double play. Somebody earlier today suggested that the Yanks should be starting Jason Giambi over Sheffield at first, no way Giambi gets his big drugged up body down in the splits to catch that ball.

- Captain Yankee just showed some base running chops. Say whatever you want about Jeter, but he does love to play in the post season.

- Spike Lee’s sitting with Kevin Pollack? Really? Pollack? Him? In Pollack’s favor, he looked like the cool tough guy from Usual Suspects, not Walter Mathieu’s wimpy son from Grumpy Old Men, but still… I think Spike’s cool rating just went down five points. I love how Buck didn’t even acknowledge Pollack, just Spike… classic.

- And while typing that big rant the Yankees crossed the plate three times. That’s ok Robertson, just because you lost Damon, Jeter, Abreu, Sheffield all isn’t lost… you have the lefty Giambi and then that choker ARod, before Matsui. Honestly, you know ARod isn’t getting a hit, he’s not clutch, remember?

- Now they are talking about Giambi and how he recovered from the steroids debacle… and he tattoos it over the fence. I love how they have that whole discussion, without bringing up how Giambi went from being a scrawny (for him), hacking, 20 million man who that Yankees were desperately trying to dump to looking something remarkably like his old self. Miraculous, how his power came back. No doubt the result of his contrite apology for, ahh, something. Certainly has nothing to do with the fact that baseball still doesn’t draw blood to test for HGH. I’m not saying he’s guilty… I’m just saying I love how Buck and McCarver discuss the whole situation with blind acceptance of his recovery.

- Oh sure, ARod gets a hit now, the score’s 5-0. What a bum, trade him away Cashman. He sucks.

- I just re-read what I wrote earlier, no not the part about how McCarver’s a testicle and Buck his stubby little prick, but about how a lefty would hurt Robertson, well I’m here now to admit I was wrong… wrong, wrong, wrong… Two lefties hurt Robertson (even three if you remember that Damon’s dinky little hit started the inning). Five Yankee RBIs all from lefthanded hitters. Good thing they started a lefty.

- You have to love the celebrities watching in the Bronx. First we had Spike chillin’ with his homeboy Pollack, now we have the Donald, Philbin, and Dick Ebersol. We’re really busting the A-listers out here, aren’t we. Thank god I know that Regis Philbin is in the house, now I can rest easy tonight knowing that we were both watching the same game. And serisouly, how many people with terrible, terrible hair could they find to sit together and watch the game, what was Courtney Love not available as a female companion?

- Jeter caught in a run down and we’re going to the fifth. Maybe I should think about dinner…

- Oh sure, I start cooking in the kitchen and the Tigers start making a game of it… Wang’s looking a bit wonky.

- They’re talking to Ken Rosenthal, he’s the Peter Gammons of this group. I wish they talked to him every inning, instead of only once per game. Rosenthal looks like he wants to punch out Joe, who wont stop yammering about nearby celebrities. It’s almost comical, but just because Rosenthal looks like he’s considering whether the money’s worth conversing with this idiots.

- At no other stadium do they show so many shots of the fans. And not just the celebs, but all the fans. They just keep panning over them, which would be fine, except Yankee fans aren’t the most beautiful of people.

- Wang’s pitched a good game, I’m not sure why Torre’s pulling him. Their bullpen sucks, except of course for Mariano Rivera who cannot pitch more than an inning. I mean Myers, Villone, Farnsworth? Yikes.

- I miss “Take me out to the ball park..”

- My girlfriend just asked if the Yankees would get home field in the World Series, because the American League won the all star game… This might be my proudest moment. Seriously. Maybe even more than the first time she dropped the “combo.”

- Tigers just cannot capitalize on the Yanks middle relievers. Too bad. Fox has shown about four hundred shots of Rivera. Seriously. Four hundred. I know he’s good, but do I really need to watch him hopping up and down in an effort to get warm.

- A spectacular game by Jeter, just awesome. 5 for 5, capped off by a homer. Sublime. He even made some great plays in the field.

- Mariano’s in there, which means it’s over and my day of random blabbing to you is over. I’d like to thank my wonderful girlfriend for reluctant participation in 9 hours of baseball (and yes, she left part way to get her hair cut off, but she looks frickin’ hot so I forgive her). I hope you enjoyed all this baseball and I’ll see you tomorrow (although perhaps without so many words.