Saints, Raiders, and an Introverted Man Named TO

The first month of the NFL season is over. By now, you’ve seen important games on Sunday night, you’ve seen the Saints remarkable return to the Superdome, and you’ve seen Bill Parcels left eye maniacally twitch after thirty straight TO related questions. So, now that we can see how things are beginning to shake out, lets take a little glance back and maybe even a glance forward and divulge some thoughts on the young NFL season.

1) Wither those Doomsday Scenarios – After the first team offence failed to score any touchdowns in the preseason, the pundits lit the Skins up for scoring only 26 points in opening the season 0-2. Everyone was tossing Mark Brunell, Joe Gibbs, and Al Saunders under the bus, despite the reality that Saunders, the highly sought after offensive coordinator brought in from Kansas City, has a 700 page playbook which was renowned for its intricacies. Now, after the Skins scored 67 in two straight wins, everybody’s rushing back to the boat.

2) The Raiders are bad – Really, really bad. Losing at home to the Browns after building a 21-3 lead is downright funky. These aren’t Otto Graham’s Browns, they’re Charlie Frye’s and the Raiders let Frye decimate them. I like Art Shell, he seems like a nice guy, but Yikes…

3) The Usual Suspects Are Also Bad – Guess what? Arizona (1-3), San Francisco (1-3), Detroit (0-4), Houston (1-3), and Cleveland (1-3) are all also really bad… again. They’ve been joined by Miami (1-3), Tampa Bay (0-3), and Tennessee (0-4) among the NFL dregs. Now, Miami won like a hundred straight games last year to finish 9-7, so they may just be developing into the Oakland A’s of the NFL, but Tampa and Tennessee had better watch out. Tampa’s been hurt by Chris Simms ineffective play and then his scary exploding spleen, but their defense is suddenly looking a bit old and when you start to look a bit old in the NFL you start to look ancient really fast. And Tennessee started the Vince Young experiment in week 4, which is almost 14 weeks too early. They’re only two years removed from a 12-4 season and have acknowledged that they’re rebuilding, but it isn’t as easy to tear it down and rebuild it as teams think (just ask San Fran).

4) Da BEARS – Yes, it was at home and yes MVP Shaun Alexander wasn’t there, but the Bears look good, real good last night. They started the season with three straight wins over their division rivals and then smacked Seattle in the mouth. After they destroyed Green Bay and Detroit by a combined score of 60-7 everyone said, well, sure it’s nice, but it was Green Bay and Detroit, well beating the defending NFC champs 37-6 sends a message. The Bears have played 8 straight home games in which the opponent has failed to score more than 10 points. This is bad news for NFC opponents, because in the battle for home field through the playoffs, the Bears now have an enormous lead, only accentuated by the reality that they could go 6-0 in their division; something the East and South contenders wont be able to do, leaving only Seattle who already trails in the tie breaker department. Speaking of which…

5) The Seahawks Will Be Fine – I know after this loss, everybody’s tearing up their Seahawks postseason predictions, but remember that they play in a division with Arizona and San Francisco. Yes, St. Louis seems to have happily progressed into the Scott Linehan era, but Seattle still has a relatively pain free path to the playoffs. They need not panic and rush Alexander back too soon, lest the rushing king further damage his foot and be permanently lost. They can survive without him until November, bringing him back early is panicky and just plain stupid.

6) Peyton, not Eli, is the Manning Who Rules NY – With two games in NY this year, Peyton got the clean sweep. In the Manning Bowl, his brother put up the better stats, but it was Big Brother who looked calm, confident and in control. And yesterday, Peyton watched the 24-21 lead he’d just given the Colts, disappear as fast as it takes Justin Miller to run 103 yards. So what does he do? Puts his helmet back on (one strap at a time too, just like you and I!) and marches his team back down the field to retake the lead 31-28. There are still two quarterbacks in the NFL and then everyone else, Manning and Brady set the gold standard and they seem unwilling to descend back to the pack.

7) Which Brings Me To – I know better, you know better, but admit it you were doubting the Pats after they decided to trade Deion Branch rather than pay him first receiver money. I actually cannot entirely blame them, because he isn’t worth star money and they traded him for a first round pick, but when Reche Caldwell and Doug Gabriel are your starting receivers, I don’t care if your coach is Bill Belichick and your quarterback Tom Brady, you just aren’t going to win… Except, the Pats coach is Belichick and their quarterback is Brady and of course, going on the road against an undefeated Cincinnati and they… paste them. Absolutely paste them. I don’t think that the Pats are Super Bowl bound this year, but they are obviously going back to the playoffs and once there only an idiot would bet against them. This time, I really do know better, don’t I?

8) New Orleans is a Great Story – And surprisingly, they’re also a good team too. I’m not sure that they’ll make the playoffs, but they are going to be in contention all year long. Playing as heroes for an entire region, they have rode the emotion and shown that offseason acquisitions Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, and coach Sean Payton are the right men to bring this team back after several figuratively and (last year) literally homeless seasons.

9) So, Enough Blah, Blah, Blah, Who Yeah Got? – Ok, it’s playoff prediction time, so lets break down who we have going to the dance after the first month: The Colts take home field advantage in the AFC and San Diego, despite its loss this weekend, joins them in the bye. New England and Baltimore host playoff games against Cincinnati and Denver, which shockingly leaves the Super Bowl champion Steelers sitting on the sideline. In the NFC, the Bears continue to stroll to the top spot. Seattle recovers from this weekend to join them in the bye week. The Eagles win the loaded East and the Panthers recover from their 0-2 start to win the South. Atlanta runs Michael Vick and Warrick Dunn right into the playoffs and the TO show in Dallas continues to nauseate me. The Saints just lose out, as does Gibbs’ Skins, and the Giants.

10) And What Happens Then? – New England remembers that they’re better than Denver and ends the losing streak to the Broncos; Baltimore’s D isn’t enough to stop Carson Palmer, although Ed Reed does knock Chad Johnson out midway through the game; San Diego’s Phillip Rivers is terrorized by Bill Belichick’s schemes in the Divisional Playoffs and Indy’s offence is better than Cincy’s in a surprising defensive battle. Finally we get the Colts – Pats game that everyone expected last year, with Peyton manning showing he’s tougher than people give him credit for and capable of winning the big game.

In the NFC, TO returns to Philly for a playoff game, with the hype growing to such ridiculous heights that it overshadows the US finally finding Bin Laden. All of the hullabaloo finally causes Bill Parcels to snap and he goes Postal on the team, seriously injuring his entire starting lineup. In the quiet serenity of Philly’s locker room, Andy Reid, informed of the Cowboys’ debacle, allows --- for the first time ever --- the faintest hint of a smile. He later denies that it was a smile, suggesting that a fly was circling the locker room and landed on his lip, causing him to flinch. Regardless of their coach’s wanton use of smiles, the Eagles romp the Cowboys B team, giving McNabb vindication. After the Eagles – Cowboys game, people are amazed to discover that there’s still more football to be played and barely tune in to see the Panthers –Falcons game, so nobody remembers that the Panthers win… but they do, and then they travel to Chicago, where the Bears roll over them. The Eagles, so overjoyed to have beaten TO, forget to travel to Seattle and default. Given an extra bye week, the Seahawks look sharp in their return to Midway and finally break the Bears 10 point home streak, but Rex Grossman throws for 382 yards in a career performance and the Bears win.

The Super Bowl is the classic case of offence verse defense. With Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith on the sidelines, the game is dubbed the “Classy Bowl” and guarantees the first time in NFL history that a Super Bowl champion is coached by a man of color (unless of course we count the fire engine red that Holmgren seemingly gets near the end of every game). Defense usually wins, but on this day the best QB wins. Manning and Dungy finally combine to win the Big One.