A column for Matt and Sandra (or, a column full of football and parenthesis)

Thus far in the year, I have neglected the NFL. Not by choice really, ok maybe by choice a little, but because the work which actually puts food on my table (ok, well maybe not my table, but on my lap in front of a movie) precludes me from watching games on Sunday. And football, like hockey, is very difficult to write about without having watched the action, a lot of action, as much as possible. So, despite pleas from adoring fans (ok, so maybe he was drunk and more belligerent than adoring, but let me fuel my own notions of grandeur for a minute here) I have not written a word on the NFL. Still, with the wild card weekend only three days away (yes, it’s morning, and yes I’m counting today) and with a rash of firings, it’s time to look at the titan-tron and figure out what’s happening on the gridiron (even I don’t know what I just wrote…). So, because it’s my anniversary week to my charming girlfriend who so politely handles the challenges of dating a boy who incessantly thinks about sports (and since she loves the Five Things I Think, I Think format, originally of course a homage to the inestimable Peter King), here’s a special Achanceyougottatake anniversary version of Five Things I Think, I Think about the NFL this week:

1) I think, I think that the amazing thing about Doug Flutie is that he’s involved in only 25 plays *all* year and yet makes the season’s best play. Ok, ok maybe best play isn’t the right moniker, but most eyebrow raising, chuckle inducing, history checking play (hhmmm, that moniker might be a bit long to catch on as the hot new catch phrase…). In the fourth quarter of the season’s final game (against a suddenly impressive Miami team, how’d these guys win 9 games, practically out of nowhere, Nick Saban really is a coaching god, am I rambling, perhaps I should stop…), instead of holding the snap for a normal PAT (or point after touchdown for you laymens out there), Flutie took the snap and converted the NFL’s first drop kick since 1941. That’s right, you read that right, he converted a DROP KICK. I didn’t even know that drop kicks were legal in the NFL (truth be told I never really gave the subject much thought) and given that they are far more difficult than the regular PAT and count for precisely the same amount of points (one) it’s obvious why they’re never attempted, but you have to love the ageless Flutie showing his athletic guile and slicing himself off a little piece of history (you also have to credit Bill Belichick for having a little sense of history and fun, most coaches would have said, NO!).

2) I think, I think that Tony Dungy’s perfect season could not have crashed any harder back to earth. I saw an article by some moron who wrote that Dungy didn’t deserve this tragedy (as though somebody else does deserve to have their child commit suicide), but Dungy is a classy individual, who has always tried to put family first (a rarity in his profession), commands respect by giving it and has stood erect and proud during a terrible time for his family. I would imagine that more people than usual will be cheering for the Colts during the playoffs and rightfully so, nobody deserves to win the big one more than Dungy.

3) I think, I think that this season has been a real death knell in the whole parity idea. Yes, the introduction of free agency and the subsequent salary cap to govern it, has meant that teams cannot hoard talent and dominate. It has leveled the playing field and allowed teams to make incredible resurgent moves to the top, but despite that, we have a two time defending champion and 13 teams who finished with 10 plus wins, 14 teams who finished with 6 or fewer wins and only 5 teams who finished in the middle 7-9 to 9-7 ground. That’s sure not parity, it’s a lot of good teams pounding the crap out of a bunch of Reggie Bush chasing teams.

4) I think, I think that the worst idea floating around NFL offices right now is the expansion of the playoffs. Kansas City president Carl Peterson seems to present this idea every other year, which oddly enough happens to be the times when his Chiefs happen to miss the playoffs. The idea, to add a seventh playoff team to each conference is asinine. If a team is good enough to get to the postseason, then they get there. I am tired of hearing people champion San Diego as though they should be playing the NFC champion in February. Yes, they are a good team, and on the right week they can be a great team (like when they beat New England or when the beat Indy, both on the road), yes their schedule was particularly harsh (weekly trips which had them crisscrossing the country), but if they were great (as opposed to good) they wouldn’t have lost at home to Dallas, Pittsburgh, and Miami, and they definitely shouldn’t have lost on the road to the depleted Eagles. Yes, each is a tough opponent (except of course Philly), but a playoff team wins three of those four, which makes San Diego 12-4 and in the playoffs. The system works just fine. It rewards those teams which play the best football for 16 weeks and teams like the Chiefs should hire a coach who can craft a solid defense.

5) I think, I think that the eight teams who fired their coaches in the past four days would do well to take a spate of recent successful hires: Chicago (Lovie Smith), Cincinnati (Marvin Lewis), Jacksonville (Jack del Rio), Atlanta (Jim Mora), Carolina (John Fox), and Miami (Nick Saban). All were fresh hires, with considerable experience on the defensive side of the ball. Only Saban came from the college ranks, but he had built his reputation under Bill Belichick in the NFL. So forget the Wade Phillips, the Jim Fassels, and the Steve Marriucci (unless you are Green Bay hopping to get one more year out of Brett Farve) and raid one of your rivals of their young, serious defensive coordinator.

Enough Bellyaching, lets get to the Picks:

Ok, since Wild Card weekend is two days away (yes, it is now tomorrow, I had to suspend my work on this column yesterday to clean my apartment) I should quite my weak kneed evasive maneuvers and step up in the pocket (or make some picks already). So… I think Washington pounds the ball on Tampa, controls the clock and gets Joe Gibbs’ first playoff win in 14 years. The Jaguars have had a good season, but the Patriots in January, in Foxboro, with Belichick and Brady… Carolina is good, but the Giants use Tiki Barber’s all around talents to relieve the pressure off of Eli Manning and defeat the Panthers. Finally, in the best game of the weekend, the Steelers throw their ball control offence and power defense against Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson and the Cincinnati Bengals. Marvin Lewis continues to show that a dozen teams should have hired him before Cincy did, by leading the NFL’s former laughingstock to the divisional round (and I, by working Saturday and Sunday, miss all the action, sigh…